matthew pikop!

fdanbo: southtwelfth: After a humbling, fumble-crazed loss in...

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:59:33 -0500

southtwelfth:

After a humbling, fumble-crazed loss in this weekend’s New Orleans-Minneapolis referendum, I suppose there is little else for the people of Minnesota to do but that which they have done for generations: crawl into a darkened, frozen teepee with the St. Paul poet Paul D. Dickinson, and read poetry and drink Hamm’s beer until April.

I am depicted here doing just that. Note the silk scarf and far-off look of consternation. It’s a way of life, reader!

Photo by Cyn Collins.

This one’s for you, pikop.

There isn’t much else to do.

Were I to have a teepee and a poet on hand I would gladly do the same thing.

Being a Minnesota sports fan is one of the easiest, yet most difficult things about my life. Aside from my trips to the MLB World Series as a one/five year old to watch the great #34— “Tirby Puttet” (I was a five year old with minor pronunciation problems), I have only had a lifetime of woes and heartbreaks in my sporting life.

However, I have such a special tie to these sports teams. It doesn’t matter that the richest owner in baseball refuses to spend a little cash to get a big name. It doesn’t matter if my favorite basketball team is always “rebuilding”. It makes no difference to me that the purple and gold have lost five straight NFC championships and have lost in all four of their Super Bowl appearances. I might always be a little bit bitter that the greatest hockey state in the country lost their team to Dallas, but I will stand by the new ice skating christmas trees until I die…or until they move to Arkansas.

I raise a glass to all of the Minnesota sports fans—

Skol.

Scott Brown is reaching out to r kelly fans. DONT LET SCOTT...

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 14:20:25 -0500

Scott Brown is reaching out to r kelly fans. DONT LET SCOTT BROWN INTO OUR KITCHEN

I WANT TO BE A BLUE PEOPLE!!!

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 12:01:43 -0500

I WANT TO BE A BLUE PEOPLE!!!:

This is why I have never actually finished Titanic. I was afraid that I would never be able to truly experience sinking on a HUGEASS ship.

The only thing more awful than this twopointfive hours of “Pocahont-gully” is the fact that everyone is fighting to wrap their lips around James Cameron’s ding-dong

The 2009 Whersies

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 12:43:34 -0500

langer:

We have a mailing list in the office referred to as “whereis”, a list everyone on the team emails with status updates if they’re going to be out of the office or leaving early or otherwise away from their desks.

Josh, our VP of business development, just compiled all the whereis updates of the calendar year, and the results were pretty hilarious.

Hands down the greatest work email I’ve ever received.

Read More

PRO-TIP:

The key to a good whereis is to speak from the heart…

UPDATE:

Hole in my foot is gone…laundry is dry. In the office

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Twitter- Send your condolences in 140 characters or less! Try...

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:00:47 -0500

Twitter-

Send your condolences in 140 characters or less!

Try these other previously tedious tasks made simple and thoughtless!!

Birthday cards
Anniversary cards
“Save the date” letters
“Thank you” cards
HIV test results
Next of Kin notifications

“Discourse discouraaaaaaaaged” This line at the...

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:09:32 -0500

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

“Discourse discouraaaaaaaaged”

This line at the beginning of the second verse is one of my favorite moments of any song ever. Also they are playing on top of a bus…and that is pretty cool.

Today the Redskins are putting the hurt on an undefeated New...

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 16:37:29 -0500

Today the Redskins are putting the hurt on an undefeated New Orleans team. Seeing this guy on my television got me thinking about how risky it is to dress up at away games. The risk is only amplified when your team is playing against a 3-8 “sure thing”. When there are 2 minutes left and it is looking like the game is over, those tricky cameramen will be combing the stands for you. Only you.

Side-note: in the midst of writing this the Redskins miss a field goal. Saints get a 50 yard touchdown. Redskins throw an interception. Overtime. Posting anyway.

GPOYW v1—I’m sort of all about silly painting apps...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 10:09:34 -0500

GPOYW v1—I’m sort of all about silly painting apps for silly new phones. Pretty accurate self portrait IMHO

MMF??

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 21:30:20 -0500

MMF??

Turkey fry = success. Look mom no fires!

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:41:59 -0500

Turkey fry = success. Look mom no fires!

HOLY HARDWARE

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:53:54 -0500

HOLY HARDWARE

every little thing in the world that is going wrong seems to...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:24:00 -0500

every little thing in the world that is going wrong seems to drift away for 46 seconds while watching this. I need to find a puddle

Please don’t get TOO excited by the Eye of the Tiger...

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:51:43 -0500

Please don’t get TOO excited by the Eye of the Tiger intro. Solid jam from a solid band

I caught this sign in my peripherals while walking to work and...

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:14:33 -0500

I caught this sign in my peripherals while walking to work and had to make a double take. Maybe I will stop by sometime soon to get a not-so-happy ending…

side note: The signage in this photo does not stop with with the foreground. We also have a beautiful “RAND OPENING” banner in the background.

the truth never felt so good

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:56:39 -0500

langer:

I’m pretty certain all I need to do to stop seeing these “30 and still single?” ads on Facebook is just list myself as “in a relationship”.

And if I stick to just buying books from Amazon they might stop pushing more Rihanna on me.

But it will probably take a serious lifestyle adjustment to do something about all these Netflix recommendations for “Witty opposites attract comedies”, “Visually-striking romantic foreign musicals”, and “Movies starring Meg Ryan”.

I have 2/3 on those requests. I’m ok with this.

Maddie the baby wants patient choice

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:24:00 -0500

Maddie the baby wants patient choice

Yankees fans are the right-wing Republicans of baseball.

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:37:58 -0400

langer:

There are baseball fans and there are Yankees fans, just as there are Americans and there are right-wing Republicans.

Baseball fans pledge their allegiance to the sport before affiliating with a favorite team. Yankees fans are devoted to franchise first. Right-wing Republicans would rather see the nation crumble than see Obama succeed.

Baseball fans can happily watch a game regardless of the matchup. Yankees fans probably don’t watch the Cincinnati Reds take on the Pittsburgh Pirates. Right-wing Republicans aren’t interested in the game if their team isn’t in the big show.

Baseball fans can identify the greatest players in the game, citing a shortstop in St. Louis, a left-fielder in Milwaukee, and yes, even a first baseman in New York. Yankees fans are pretty sure Jorge Posada is the best catcher in the game. Right-wing Republicans think Ayn Rand was the greatest political philosopher of the 20th century.

Q.E.D.

I’m just glad that you decided not to use the Twins in your written example.

But seriously! Lets jus’t stop worrying about grammary problems and rally together to be baseball fans for the yankees and not make assumings on who likes which right-wing party or not.

I made a glog for you guys

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 10:56:08 -0400

I made a glog for you guys:

pretty much the coolest site on the internet. I gave my dinosaur a sweet emo tattoo and it plays music too with grass also and deep message as well!

DoggieLoverDoll:

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 22:28:44 -0400

DoggieLoverDoll::

“a female canine manufactured in soft rubber with a silicone vagina and an easy to clean reservoir. The product also comes with a tube of water-based intimate lubricant, to increase the useful life of the doll.”

Tired of your fuzzy little companion getting his red rocket fuel all over your pillow?

Here is the answer we have ALL been waiting for! Let me lay out this scenario…

It’s family dinner time at the Smith residence. Nancy is making a hearty roast in the oven while the kids are out in the backyard playing a game of 4-square. Mr. Smith hears a disturbing sound coming from little Lisa’s room and walks in to find Sparky deflowering her little teddy bear. If only Mr. Smith had a quick, easy and SAFE way to solve this problem….

Mr. Smith went straight to his computer and purchased a DoggieLoverDoll. So next time he finds Sparky trying to cover his plush pals’ face in pearl jam, he is just one lube ‘n’ swap away from a truly happy ending.

hey guys its friday TGIF am i right?

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:01:00 -0400

hey guys its friday

TGIF am i right?